Hey friends,
I’m back this week with one of my favourite topics, resilience, which was actually the focus of the essay I mentioned earlier this week.
I won’t wang on about the essay again, but it has got me thinking more about resilience itself...
And honestly, it’s left me thinking about something I see all the time in the founders and leaders I work with… and in myself.
Because when we talk about resilience, we usually mean one thing:
Pushing through.
Holding it together.
Getting on with it, no matter what.
And for a long time, that is resilience.
But it’s not the whole story.
What I’ve been exploring is this:
Resilience can evolve.
From something quite fixed, quite effortful, quite survival-based
Into something much more flexible, grounded and actually easier to live inside.
Most of us learned resilience early.
It looked like:
Being the reliable one
Keeping the peace
Not needing too much
Taking responsibility for everything
Pushing through, even when we were exhausted
And it worked.
It helped you succeed.
It helped you build a career, a business, a life.
But…
It also tends to be driven by something underneath:
fear of letting people down
fear of not being enough
fear of losing control
So it’s resilience, yes.
But it’s also survival.
The shift, and this is the bit that really matters, is moving towards something else.
A more integrated resilience.
Which looks like:
Being able to flex, not just endure
Responding, rather than reacting
Staying connected to yourself under pressure, not abandoning yourself to cope
And this isn’t abstract.
It shows up in really small, very real ways.
Instead of:
“I need to keep everyone happy”
You choose honesty, even if it creates a wobble
Instead of:
“It’s all on me”
You let other people hold responsibility too
Instead of:
“I’ll just push through”
You notice you’re stretched and adjust earlier
Instead of:
“Don’t rock the boat”
You say the thing, calmly, cleanly, without over-explaining
So the question becomes:
How do you actually shift this?
A few simple places to start:
1. Notice your default under pressure
Where do you over-function?
Where do you stay quiet?
Where do you take too much on?
Not to judge it, just to see it.
2. Ask what it’s protecting
Because it will be protecting something.
Being liked
Being safe
Not failing
When you see that, it makes sense of the behaviour and gives you more choice.
3. Try one different move
Not a big overhaul.
Just one shift:
say it slightly earlier
delegate one thing
admit you don’t have capacity
That’s how this changes.
4. Expect it to feel uncomfortable
This is the bit people miss.
If you’re used to being the strong one, the one who holds everything…
Doing it differently will feel wrong at first.
It isn’t wrong.
It’s just unfamiliar.
So this week I invite you to notice this.
Not to fix yourself.
Not to optimise anything.
Just to catch:
where you default
what’s driving it
and where you might choose something slightly different
Because the goal isn’t to become more resilient in the old way.
It’s to become more flexible, more honest, and more yourself, especially when things are hard.
And that’s a very different kind of strength.
Cate
Hey friends,
I’m back this week with one of my favourite topics, resilience, which was actually the focus of the essay I mentioned earlier this week.
I won’t wang on about the essay again, but it has got me thinking more about resilience itself...
And honestly, it’s left me thinking about something I see all the time in the founders and leaders I work with… and in myself.
Because when we talk about resilience, we usually mean one thing:
Pushing through.
Holding it together.
Getting on with it, no matter what.
And for a long time, that is resilience.
But it’s not the whole story.
What I’ve been exploring is this:
Resilience can evolve.
From something quite fixed, quite effortful, quite survival-based
Into something much more flexible, grounded and actually easier to live inside.
Most of us learned resilience early.
It looked like:
Being the reliable one
Keeping the peace
Not needing too much
Taking responsibility for everything
Pushing through, even when we were exhausted
And it worked.
It helped you succeed.
It helped you build a career, a business, a life.
But…
It also tends to be driven by something underneath:
fear of letting people down
fear of not being enough
fear of losing control
So it’s resilience, yes.
But it’s also survival.
The shift, and this is the bit that really matters, is moving towards something else.
A more integrated resilience.
Which looks like:
Being able to flex, not just endure
Responding, rather than reacting
Staying connected to yourself under pressure, not abandoning yourself to cope
And this isn’t abstract.
It shows up in really small, very real ways.
Instead of:
“I need to keep everyone happy”
You choose honesty, even if it creates a wobble
Instead of:
“It’s all on me”
You let other people hold responsibility too
Instead of:
“I’ll just push through”
You notice you’re stretched and adjust earlier
Instead of:
“Don’t rock the boat”
You say the thing, calmly, cleanly, without over-explaining
So the question becomes:
How do you actually shift this?
A few simple places to start:
1. Notice your default under pressure
Where do you over-function?
Where do you stay quiet?
Where do you take too much on?
Not to judge it, just to see it.
2. Ask what it’s protecting
Because it will be protecting something.
Being liked
Being safe
Not failing
When you see that, it makes sense of the behaviour and gives you more choice.
3. Try one different move
Not a big overhaul.
Just one shift:
say it slightly earlier
delegate one thing
admit you don’t have capacity
That’s how this changes.
4. Expect it to feel uncomfortable
This is the bit people miss.
If you’re used to being the strong one, the one who holds everything…
Doing it differently will feel wrong at first.
It isn’t wrong.
It’s just unfamiliar.
So this week I invite you to notice this.
Not to fix yourself.
Not to optimise anything.
Just to catch:
where you default
what’s driving it
and where you might choose something slightly different
Because the goal isn’t to become more resilient in the old way.
It’s to become more flexible, more honest, and more yourself, especially when things are hard.
And that’s a very different kind of strength.
Cate
