Hey friends,
This week I have been reflecting on something that has come up a lot this week.
How much emotional energy do we spend on things outside of our control?
Whether a deal is going to land.
Whether someone is going to like us.
Whether a team member is doing what they are supposed to be doing.
We think about it. We analyse it. We sometimes spiral on it.
And yet, the reality is we cannot control other people, places or outcomes.
We might be able to influence them, but we cannot control them.
This came up in two really live ways for me this week.
One was in a workshop, where someone was feeling frustrated about their team’s productivity. They had given briefs before that had not been delivered on time, and it was creating a lot of stress.
The other was in a one-to-one coaching session with someone starting a new role, worrying about whether their new team would like them.
Different situations. Same underlying pattern.
Focusing energy on something unknowable.
Because the truth is we cannot ever really know if someone likes us.
And we cannot fully control whether someone else delivers something perfectly every time.
There are too many variables. Too many nuances.
But what we can do is bring it back to ourselves.
In the case of the new role:
It is not about trying to figure out if people will like you. That is an impossible task.
It is about asking:
How do I show up in a way that builds trust?
What are the consistent behaviours I can bring that make it easy for others to work with me?
And in the case of team productivity:
Instead of questioning someone else’s output, we can ask:
Have I been clear enough in what I have asked for?
Does this person truly understand what good looks like?
Have I created space for questions and clarity?
Is there a feedback loop in place so we can course-correct early?
It is a subtle shift, but a powerful one.
From:
What are they doing?
to
What am I bringing into this situation?
Because the moment we do that, we move from feeling stuck to having agency again.
So if you catch yourself this week worrying about something external, someone else’s opinion, behaviour, or outcome, try this:
Bring it back to you.
What can you influence?
What can you clarify?
What can you do differently?
Focus on what you can change, rather than spending your energy on what you cannot.
I invite you to try it out and let me know your thoughts.
Thanks so much,
Cate
Hey friends,
This week I have been reflecting on something that has come up a lot this week.
How much emotional energy do we spend on things outside of our control?
Whether a deal is going to land.
Whether someone is going to like us.
Whether a team member is doing what they are supposed to be doing.
We think about it. We analyse it. We sometimes spiral on it.
And yet, the reality is we cannot control other people, places or outcomes.
We might be able to influence them, but we cannot control them.
This came up in two really live ways for me this week.
One was in a workshop, where someone was feeling frustrated about their team’s productivity. They had given briefs before that had not been delivered on time, and it was creating a lot of stress.
The other was in a one-to-one coaching session with someone starting a new role, worrying about whether their new team would like them.
Different situations. Same underlying pattern.
Focusing energy on something unknowable.
Because the truth is we cannot ever really know if someone likes us.
And we cannot fully control whether someone else delivers something perfectly every time.
There are too many variables. Too many nuances.
But what we can do is bring it back to ourselves.
In the case of the new role:
It is not about trying to figure out if people will like you. That is an impossible task.
It is about asking:
How do I show up in a way that builds trust?
What are the consistent behaviours I can bring that make it easy for others to work with me?
And in the case of team productivity:
Instead of questioning someone else’s output, we can ask:
Have I been clear enough in what I have asked for?
Does this person truly understand what good looks like?
Have I created space for questions and clarity?
Is there a feedback loop in place so we can course-correct early?
It is a subtle shift, but a powerful one.
From:
What are they doing?
to
What am I bringing into this situation?
Because the moment we do that, we move from feeling stuck to having agency again.
So if you catch yourself this week worrying about something external, someone else’s opinion, behaviour, or outcome, try this:
Bring it back to you.
What can you influence?
What can you clarify?
What can you do differently?
Focus on what you can change, rather than spending your energy on what you cannot.
I invite you to try it out and let me know your thoughts.
Thanks so much,
Cate
