Hey there friends,
How’s your week been?
Mine’s been full of brilliant conversations that leave you thinking long after the session ends. One in particular stuck with me from a workshop I ran last week, and I can’t stop turning it over in my head.
We were talking about how we respond to pressure when one of the managers said:
“When a client moves the goalposts again, I know I shouldn’t join in the team moaning session, but it doesn’t half feel good to bond over how frustrating they are."
Cue the guilty, knowing nods all round.
Because we’ve all done it, haven’t we?
The client changes the brief for the third time.
The boss drops another ‘urgent’ task late on a Friday.
And suddenly the team’s huddled together, united in shared frustration.
It’s called flocking, and it’s totally natural.
When stress hits, our brains instinctively seek safety in numbers.
The same ancient instinct that made our ancestors huddle together when predators circled is showing up in your open-plan office too.
And it feels so good in the moment, doesn’t it? That connection, that validation, that sense of we’re all in this together.
But here’s the catch: we’re not running from wolves anymore.
We’re running from… deadlines.
And our flocking? It’s not creating safety, it’s creating drama.
One person vents, another adds their frustration, someone else recalls last month’s disaster, and suddenly you’ve built a bonfire of negativity and everyone’s throwing logs on.
One manager told me:
“I want to be the voice of reason, but then I feel like I’m betraying the team, like I’m not on their side.”
What a dilemma.
Because going against our flocking instinct feels wrong. Deeply, neurologically wrong. We’re wired to stick with the group or risk isolation.
But what if the group behaviour is what’s actually hurting us?
What if our need to bond over drama is the very thing keeping the drama alive?
I’ve been trying something different with my own team.
When someone brings a frustration, instead of joining the pile-on, I ask:
“Hmm. So, what do we need right now to feel safe?”
Not “isn’t this awful?” but “what would help?”
It’s a subtle shift, but a massive one.
We still flock (humans gonna human), but now we flock towards solutions, not shared suffering.
So, next time your team starts flocking around frustration, try this:
- Acknowledge it: “Yeah, this is properly frustrating.”
- Redirect the energy: “What would make this workable for us?”
- Create different safety: Bond over problem-solving, not problem-dwelling.
- Model the shift: Share what you need to feel okay, not what’s wrong.
- Celebrate small wins: Flock around successes too, not just stress.
The truth? We can’t stop flocking, it’s who we are.
But we can choose what we flock around.
Drama and gossip? That’s one kind of safety.
Solutions and support? That’s another.
Both create connection, but only one creates progress.
So, my friends, to flock or not to flock, that is the question.
Have a wonderful week,
Cate x
Hey there friends,
How’s your week been?
Mine’s been full of brilliant conversations that leave you thinking long after the session ends. One in particular stuck with me from a workshop I ran last week, and I can’t stop turning it over in my head.
We were talking about how we respond to pressure when one of the managers said:
“When a client moves the goalposts again, I know I shouldn’t join in the team moaning session, but it doesn’t half feel good to bond over how frustrating they are."
Cue the guilty, knowing nods all round.
Because we’ve all done it, haven’t we?
The client changes the brief for the third time.
The boss drops another ‘urgent’ task late on a Friday.
And suddenly the team’s huddled together, united in shared frustration.
It’s called flocking, and it’s totally natural.
When stress hits, our brains instinctively seek safety in numbers.
The same ancient instinct that made our ancestors huddle together when predators circled is showing up in your open-plan office too.
And it feels so good in the moment, doesn’t it? That connection, that validation, that sense of we’re all in this together.
But here’s the catch: we’re not running from wolves anymore.
We’re running from… deadlines.
And our flocking? It’s not creating safety, it’s creating drama.
One person vents, another adds their frustration, someone else recalls last month’s disaster, and suddenly you’ve built a bonfire of negativity and everyone’s throwing logs on.
One manager told me:
“I want to be the voice of reason, but then I feel like I’m betraying the team, like I’m not on their side.”
What a dilemma.
Because going against our flocking instinct feels wrong. Deeply, neurologically wrong. We’re wired to stick with the group or risk isolation.
But what if the group behaviour is what’s actually hurting us?
What if our need to bond over drama is the very thing keeping the drama alive?
I’ve been trying something different with my own team.
When someone brings a frustration, instead of joining the pile-on, I ask:
“Hmm. So, what do we need right now to feel safe?”
Not “isn’t this awful?” but “what would help?”
It’s a subtle shift, but a massive one.
We still flock (humans gonna human), but now we flock towards solutions, not shared suffering.
So, next time your team starts flocking around frustration, try this:
- Acknowledge it: “Yeah, this is properly frustrating.”
- Redirect the energy: “What would make this workable for us?”
- Create different safety: Bond over problem-solving, not problem-dwelling.
- Model the shift: Share what you need to feel okay, not what’s wrong.
- Celebrate small wins: Flock around successes too, not just stress.
The truth? We can’t stop flocking, it’s who we are.
But we can choose what we flock around.
Drama and gossip? That’s one kind of safety.
Solutions and support? That’s another.
Both create connection, but only one creates progress.
So, my friends, to flock or not to flock, that is the question.
Have a wonderful week,
Cate x
